I was birthed by a woman who shared love like gold. I was birthed by a woman who chained her own to death. I was birthed by a woman who knew herself in & out. I was birthed by a woman who lost herself trying to find herself.

Did she really know who she was, or was she simply living?

I grew up in a home where the man’s identity was profound. I worshipped this man. He fed me & taught me masculinity is lovely in all its conducts. I grew up in a male dominated home- whose angry voice, we grew to nurture & care for.

Here I’m too happy & proud of what I have achieved but deep down I do not know, who I am. I am constantly fighting wars in my head. These ghosts in me must free me, they are not welcome but yet again they echo questions in me. Questions I cannot seem to find answers nor understand

it is clear people like me come from homes that have diminished our ‘SELF’
homes that have taught us shrink till you no longer exist.

till you master the ART of breathing but not existing nor living-the irony is a puzzle.

who am i?

they often tell me
I would step from my cell’s confinement

calmly, cheerfully, firmly

like a squire from the country house

Who am i?

they often tell me

i would talk to my warders

freely and friendly and clearly

as though it were mine to command.

Who am i?

this or the other?

am I one person today and tomorrow another?

am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,

who am i?

they mock me, these lonely questions of mine

who am i?

am I my wrecked parents?

am I what my white colonisers imposed me to be..

I have grown a huge melodrama that I cannot carry

I need to know who I’m to be free
Who am i? you ask again

i really wish I knew

if I am not myself at all

then maybe I am you

to discover who I really am

is really quite a task

maybe I am some else

who wears a funny mask

I strive so hard to know myself

To discover the “real me”

My thoughts and feelings all confused

Yet still I cannot see

What makes me tick?

What makes me feel?

So very special & unique

My purpose in this glorious world

is what I truly seek

I wish I could be creative, self-condiment and smart

Not quiet, shy and isecure

Emotional at heart

I wish I had the confidence to say what I really feel

Instead of fearing criticism & not been accepted
In some far off distant place

with no one else to bother me

& disturb my inconsequential thoughts

until my conscience brings me back

to do the things I ought

& so I continue on my way

on this journey called life

with full knowledge of who I am
I am an independent and unbreakable man/being

I am a dreamer

I am not one thing, I am many things

I am a person that never gives up

I am a person that never stops trying

I am like all- a human being that never stops thinking about the future

I am a believer

I am a human being who knows what life means and how it can be sometimes.

I am a human being who knows where I come from, where I’m and where am going

I am someone who never tries to be something I’m not.

I am only trying to survive life- aren’t we all?

I am an independent person and unbreakable, and there is no reason for me to be forgettable of my personalities

I will try to do the best I can

though at times the goings gets tough

I’ll do my part to refine the world

And make it a better place

by being “ME” to my capacity

with each trail I have to face.
Who am i? YOU ASK?

I am not ONE thing. I am many things.

© 2017 Bryan Manda – All rights Reserved


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